Changing the mindset of the At Home Woman.

Have you noticed how we label women who stay at home. She is either a housewife or a SAHM (stay at home mom). Now I’ll admit that staying at home is a decision usually based on being a wife. I mean, single and divorced moms don’t really have this option, do they? And many times having a kid contributes to this decision. I only know one wife who stays at home who does not have kids.

But I digress. The point is that women who choose to stay at home are seen as a wife and/or mother. Not primarily but entirely. It is expected that all we do is cook, clean, help with homework, tend to the pets, liaise with caregivers, make sure everyone else’s day is off to a good start and in my house make sure there are towels in the bathroom before I go to bed. (the towel debate is a topic for another post)

The thing is when you look at what all the at home woman does, you get the sense that there isn’t much time for anything else. And for the most part you would be right. The problem comes in the mindset that says: all we do is all we are.

Before I was a mother and a wife I was a daughter, a sister, a friend and above all else a woman. Granted not a very wise woman, but certainly, I think headed that way.

The at home woman is often looked down upon for not having any ambition. Or even worse and almost entirely untrue, for being a gold digger who would rather sit at home in the lap of luxury while their respective gadget-geek goes off to earn his millions by helicopter. In other words a trophy wife. I am sure that there are few examples of these but they are certainly in the minority. Thankfully, this mindset is beginning to change. When I say change, I mean that women in the workforce are changing their attitude.

It’s us, the at home women, whose mindset need to change slightly. Firstly it is a privilege that we have this option, not our duty. We make that choice and we need to understand that it IS a privilege to make that choice. Not just to us but to those who live under the same roof as us. No one can make us stay at home and no one should rely on the fact that “mom will pick it up”.

Secondly, to each his own. Or her own, as the case may be. The at home woman tends to give off an air of superiority over those woman who choose not too. A “I have my priorities straight” kind of attitude. Our mindset needs to change. Some women need to stay in business and here are my top 5 reasons why:

1 - Not all of us are built to cook, clean, decorate and explain long division. I cannot imagine spending my day doing something I find resentful, all day every day. In the end the most important thing for a child is a happy, healthy and present parent. By present I don’t mean at home but someone who knows her, really knows her.

2 - We can’t say the world was running smoothly when all the women were at home. Clearly we need some of that softer touch in the greater world. Whether we like it or not women have children and as soon as they feel comfortable to do so, we want them back in the workforce.

3 - We need good role models for girl children. Those who can show that we can have it all and raise happy kids. Personally, I can’t. I cannot give a job the kind of attention I feel it deserves and be a present mother. Or at least I was tired of feeling guilty when I felt I wasn’t present enough.

4 - Oh dear, all the teachers would be male. I know there are some great foundation phase male teachers out there, but not enough to keep up with the birth rate.

5 - Do you want to enjoy grandchildren. Seriously. If you told a woman that once she has children she would have to stop working, what would happen? With all the technology available, the amount of children needing adoptive homes and women already waiting later to have kids, this is a serious concern. It is very likely that your daughter will then choose to only have kids once she has reached the pinnacle of her career. Imagine trying to keep up with a 10 year old at 75 - this would be one of the better case scenarios. The worst case scenario is that once she reaches the pinnacle of her career, she chooses not to upset her comfort zone. Lets bear in mind, as those who are in the workforce can testify to, that reaching the pinnacle of your career coincides nicely with the empty nest. And once we grow accustomed to the empty nest we get into a comfort zone. A zone which would greatly be upset if we had to go back to dark cheap furniture to accommodate chocolate fingers.

So there you have it. I’ve been pondering the direction I want this blog to take and this is it. A woman’s view of the world around her. A woman who does have the time to surf the world around her, a woman who by choice is mother and a wife as well, but 100% woman.

I know today’s post was a bit serious but I promise to be back with something a little lighter: The Drama Queen’s Valentine’s woes.